17 January 2003
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Maslow changed this entry; it's his fault! - 9:46 p.m.
Nanowriye #1 Word Count: 14,199/100,000 words (14.199% finished)
Yes, I finally wrote some more! I can't believe it!
There, now to a totally different tangent. I've been planning for Valentine's Day lately. Or to be more accurate, Singles Awareness Day. I started making a list of people to give Valentines to, and all of a sudden I realized, "What the heck am I doing?" Okay, so it is nice to give valentines to friends, but still. What was my reason for doing that in the first place? Then I thought about it. I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I do have some sort of characteristic that just drives guys away from me. Is my antisocial-ness what drives people away from me? So I don't exactly give the friendly vibe. So what should that mean to me?
Should it mean that I'll die an old maid? What if I did die old and wrinkled and unloved? Would I really die of being unloved? I remember reading somewhere about this study that someone did on babies. They had one group of babies that was loved by mothers, and another group that wasn't. I don't remember exactly what else they did, but in short, they proved that love is a basic need. You know what? That's absolutely true. You need love to live. Now, that doesn't ALWAYS mean romantic love. It could be love as a friend or as a parent or a sibling, or a whatever. But if you're hated by everybody, I don't think you'd be all that happy. Face it, no matter whether or not you'd admit it, some part of your happiness is based on what others think of you. I say that I don't give jack squat what people think about me, but you know what? That's hard to do sometimes. Especially when the world is coming down on you and you don't know where to go. I say that I don't care, but there are some times that I'm so weakened by the world that I do care. I do want to be accepted. I do want to be loved. Why? Even though I fight myself away from it, it's just a crutch. The desire to be accepted is just a feeling of love as well. Though it's not necessarily love love, it is a feeling of knowing that someone out there cares for you and accepts you for you.
It's on Maslow's Hierarchy. I remember Ms. Bell talking about that once last semester. Well, guess what. I finally found it. Basically, what Maslow did was put the human needs on a pyramid. The ones on the bottom have to be satisfied before the next level up can be satisfied, and so forth. Basically, these needs are:
Physiological Needs
Safety/Security Needs
Love/Affection Needs
Esteem Needs
Self-Actualization
I was thinking about those needs, and I was wondering how far I was up the ladder. I think I'm getting there. I think I'm somewhere between the third and fourth levels. I have the basic needs (food, water, etc.), I'm safe and secure from the world around me, I'm loved (though not romantically...sigh), but esteem? This level basically means status, recognition, and attention. Am I really there yet? I want to be. That's where I crave to be, because then I can reach that last level, when I actually become all that I really can be.
I'M READY! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!